Lady In Waiting

I saw Ugly Betty session 4, episode 19: The Past Presents and the future
Each minute of the 19th episode I just laughing, smiling, holding my breath and suddenly the tears come. It was the sweetest episode for me. It was Hilda’s wedding. On the day of the wedding, Justin brings Austin and Ignacio brings Elena. Daniel arrives dateless and He sees Betty come out from the car then he tells Betty that she looks great. There’re sparkles in Daniel’s eye when he saw Betty. During the wedding there are a lot of loves and my heart just melted when Daniel gazes at Betty, indicating that he has realized he's in love with her when Hilda was giving her speech. On her speech Hilda talks about knowing someone better than they do and that you would do anything to protect them and how that's when you know that you are in love. The only disappointment would be why it took him (Daniel) so long to figure it out.
Well it happens in our life, sometimes it took so long for us to figure it out: “the one”. We still believe in love at the first sight, but we never realize that someone close to you might be your mate. Of course you are going to fall in love one day and it will lead to a committed, long term relationship. But 'first sight'? How many times will you fall in love before the ' right one' comes along ?
The older I get the more I believe that love at the first sight is just a myth, cause I think true love is a combo of respect, understanding and connection - and those, in my humble opinion can only be discovered when you get to know someone. Perhaps I believe in attraction at first sigh, love can not be accomplished so quickly.
I thought how wonderful my life could be if I could share it with a loving, trustful and supportive. I dreamed to find a real partner, someone that I can share my happiest and saddest moments with. Someone, who's never get tired of hearing how my day went by, a partner that is here to listen, to share, and to offer a comfort and supportive shoulder.
And sometimes, I found myself asking: "Why haven't I found him yet? What can I do to attract and get the man that I want? What different am I from the millions of happy woman enjoying good relationships with their partners?" I’m not that different from those women. I’m not less intelligent, less beautiful than most happy women.
I kept thinking perhaps I haven't been able to got the right man of my dreams because I’m not good enough, or because I have probably been making several mistakes in the way I choose, approach, behave and communicate with men?
or maybe I should just stay single for the rest of my life. Dating, marriage and kids are not in the deck of cards God has planned for me.
What if all I planned in my mind ares totally opposite of what God has in mind?
What if while I’m looking for greatness I let greatness passed me by, as a matter of fact when my MR. RIGHT walks into my life, I probably won’t even recognize him.
I do believe God's way is best, His design is perfect, God has one person for you to spend forever with. Truth is, I am not sure what my Mr. Right will be like. I have an idea, but I keep thinking that as good as my idea may sound, God’s plan is a whole lot better. God is still God and always will be. His timing is perfect, not yours or mine, and when it's time, you will be with “the one” God designed for you.

Mou Sukoshi

soshite kizuita toki ni kangaeteru no wa kimi no koto de...
sore ga sugoku hazukashikattari
sugoku iyadattari omoete
sore wa boku ga kimochi wo tsutaeru koto ga kowai kara de
atama de osaetsukete mo kokoro ga dousuru koto mo dekinakute
autabi ni kimi ni satorarenai youni
itsumo to kawarinai youni hanashiteru tsumori de
yoyuu mo nakute kurushiku natta boku wa
kimi ni uso wo tsuiteshimau... dakedo

mou sukoshi... mou sukoshi...
kimi no kokoro ni chikazuitara
mou sukoshi... mou sukoshi...
ima kono toki ga kienai youni

douka kamisama boku ni yuuki wo kudasai

soshite omoiagunete mo kakkou warui dake no boku de...
kimi ga dou omotteru no ga ki ni natte mo
ippo mo saki he sumanai wakatteru tsumori de

jibun jyanai you na mune no MOYAMOYA ga
itaku natte nigetakunaru... dakedo

mou sukoshi... mou sukoshi...
kimi no soba ni irareta nara
mou sukoshi... mou sukoshi...
yoru yoake nai de kureta nara
sabishii toki mo namida wo nugutte ageru kara

yozora ni ukabu kakete mo hikaru tsuki ga
tsuyoku mo narenai jishin mo nai
boku wo mite hohoenda hora ne...

mou sukoshi... mou sukoshi...
kimi no soba ni irareta nara
mou sukoshi... mou sukoshi...
yoru yoake nai de kureta nara

mou sukoshi... mou sukoshi...
kimi no kokoro ni chikazuitara
mou sukoshi... mou sukoshi...
ima kono toki ga kienai you ni

douka kamisama boku ni yuuki wo kudasai...

Wait until 30 to Get Married...

There is something about the number 30 that strikes fear into any woman hoping to get married and have children. I think It's dangerous to put a specific age or period of time dating on when you "should get married". Doing so only leads you to follow some imaginary deadline which leads to trouble. Too early and you might pass up on the perfect love, or force yourself to marry someone who isn't right to meet that deadline, or start feeling bad and knocking yourself because you are "already 30 and unmarried!" or some other crap like that.

Now I am 27 years old, and I don’t even think of getting married. Is that an embarrasing thing when you're still single while all of your friends already married & have a kid?? Gee.... people need to have freedom to grow.

There is no age that dictates when someone is ready for marriage or kids. Some people find that they are simply happier without marriage or kids. I remember when I passed the age when my parents got married, I defiantly had a feeling of "I should find someone to marry". Well it happened when I was 25, suddenly I thought about my age & my future, I kept thingking about getting married all the time. In my social life 25 is a prefect age for a women to get married. I’ve been dating several men, but seems none of them impressed me well.

So now I’m still single…

I have dreamed about what my wedding will be like since I knew what weddings were, the dress, the rings, the flowers, the party, the presents. Basically yes I know marriage is all sweet and blablabla… but the thing is marriage is not only about that right? Marriage is not for trial and error, it is just as important as any major surgery.

There are so many plans that I should prepare likes myself mentally, financially, physical, spirituality, etc & right now I'm not ready to totally commit to one person. Being able to commit to someone is a beautiful thing, but being able and ready is different than doing right...???

I want to have more than enough time after graduating to settle in my career, have a stable job, so able to save, instead of spend, spend, spend. Whether for a home, a vehicle, investments, travel, whatever plans I have for my future.
I believe that it'll be an age where I'm ready, able and willing to get married and bring my children into this world, having the energy and wisdom to educate as well as raise them, after 30 hahahahaa....
so If you're not ready to get married, don't do it. Ignore the pressures around you and just live your life the way you want to. Don’t be afraid of your ticking clock, stop worrying. Have fun. Get passionate about something and HE will find you. And then you'll thank God you waited.

Caraku Mencintaimu

Aku mencintaimu dalam kesunyianku,
Karena dalam sunyi tak kan kutemukan penolakanmu.
Aku mencintaimu dalam kesepianku,
Karena dalam sepi tak kan ada yang memilikimuselain aku.
Aku mencintaimu dalam malam-malamku,
Karena hanya pada malam dapat kupeluk bayangmu.
Aku mencintaimu dalam nyenyak tidurku,
Karena hanya dalam mimpi kau nyata untukmu.
Aku mencintaimu dalam sesak piluku,
Karena dalam kepiluan ada air mata yang tercurah atas namamu.
Andai kau tahu,
Tak mudah bagiku tuk berucap kata cinta,
Walaupun ku tlah siap untuk mencinta,
Tak mudah bagiku tuk berdiri dihadapmu,
hanya tuk nyatakan perasaan ini,
Tak mudah bagi ku tuk menopang ribuan cinta yang tak pernah ingin kau miliki,
Takkan mudah bagiku tuk menyapa cinta yang lain,
Karena aku hanya memiliki satu cinta dihati.
Beginilah cara ku tuk mencintaimu (Bandung, 29/01/09)

Ketika & Ajarku

Ketika hatiku tlah disakiti, ajarku tuk memiliki hati mengampuni,
Ketika keputusasaan melingkupi ku, ajarku tuk tak menyerah,

Ketika setiap rencana hidupku hancur berantakan, ajarku tuk berserah,
Ketika orang lain menghakimiku, ajarku tuk bisa memeluk mereka dengan damai,
Ketika setiap peristiwa hanya memberikan kekecewaan dan air mata, ajarku untuk tetap bersyukur.
Ketika aku tak memahami rencana Tuhan atas hidupku, ajarku tuk tetap percaya padaMu.